CHAPTER : II

The death-watch outside had grown to about fifteen or twenty. They werernall waiting in happy anticipation as I came out of the Secretary'srnoffice.rnrn"What did he do to you, Silk?" Courtlant Staynes asked, amusedly.rnrn"Demoted me. Kicked me off the Hooligan Diplomats," I said glumly.rnrn"Demoted you from the Consular Service?" Staynes asked scornfully."Impossible!"rnrn"Yes. He demoted me to the Cookie Pushers. Clear down to Ambassador."rnrnThey got a terrific laugh. I went out, wondering what sort of noisesrnthey'd make, the next morning, when the appointments sheet was posted.rnrnrnI gathered a few things together, mostly small personal items, and allrnthe microfilms that I could find on New Texas, then got aboard the SpacernNavy cutter that was waiting to take me to the ship. It was a four-hourrntrip and I put in the time going over my hastily-assembled microfilmrnlibrary and using a stenophone to dictate a reading list for thernspacetrip.rnrnAs I rolled up the stenophone-tape, I wondered what sort of secretaryrnthey had given me; and, in passing, why Natalenko's department hadrnfurnished him.rnrnHoddy Ringo....rnrnQueer name, but in a galactic civilization, you find all sorts of namesrnand all sorts of people bearing them, so I was prepared for anything.rnrnAnd I found it.rnrnI found him standing with the ship's captain, inside the airlock, when Irnboarded the big, spherical space-liner. A tubby little man, withrnshoulders and arms he had never developed doing secretarial work, and arngood-natured, not particularly intelligent face.rnrn_See the happy moron, he doesn't give a damn_, I thought.rnrnThen I took a second look at him. He might be happy, but he wasn't arnmoron. He just looked like one. Natalenko's people often did, as one ofrntheir professional assets.rnrnI also noticed that he had a bulge under his left armpit the size of anrneleven-mm army automatic.rnrnHe was, I'd been told, a native of New Texas. I gathered, after talkingrnwith him for a while, that he had been away from his home planet forrnover five years, was glad to be going back, and especially glad that hernwas going back under the protection of Solar League diplomatic immunity.rnrnIn fact, I rather got the impression that, without such protection, hernwouldn't have been going back at all.rnrnI made another discovery. My personal secretary, it seemed, couldn'trnread stenotype. I found that out when I gave him the tape I'd dictatedrnaboard the cutter, to transcribe for me.rnrn"Gosh, boss. I can't make anything out of this stuff," he confessed,rnlooking at the combination shorthand-Braille that my voice had put ontornthe tape.rnrn"Well, then, put it in a player and transcribe it by ear," I told him.rnrnHe didn't seem to realize that that could be done.rnrn"How did you come to be sent as my secretary, if you can't dornsecretarial work?" I wanted to know.rnrnHe got out a bag of tobacco and a book of papers and began rolling arncigarette, with one hand.rnrn"Why, shucks, boss, nobody seemed to think I'd have to do this kindarnwork," he said. "I was just sent along to show you the way around NewrnTexas, and see you don't get inta no trouble."rnrnHe got his handmade cigarette drawing, and hitched the strap that wentrnacross his back and looped under his right arm. "A guy that don't knowrnthe way around can get inta a lotta trouble on New Texas. If you callrngettin' killed trouble."rnrnSo he was a bodyguard ... and I wondered what else he was. One thing, itrnwould take him forty-two years to send a radio message back to Luna, andrnI could keep track of any other messages he sent, in letters or on tape,rnby ships. In the end, I transcribed my own tape, and settled down tornlaying out my three weeks' study-course on my new post.rnrnI found, however, that the whole thing could be learned in a few hours.rnThe rest of what I had was duplication, some of it contradictory, and itrnall boiled down to this:rnrnCapella IV had been settled during the first wave of extrasolarrncolonization, after the Fourth World--or First Interplanetary--War.rnSome time around 2100. The settlers had come from a place in NorthrnAmerica called Texas, one of the old United States. They had a lengthyrnhistory--independent republic, admission to the United States, secessionrnfrom the United States, reconquest by the United States, and generalrnintransigence under the United States, the United Nations and the SolarrnLeague. When the laws of non-Einsteinian physics were discovered and thernhyperspace-drive was developed, practically the entire population ofrnTexas had taken to space to find a new home and independence fromrneverybody.rnrnThey had found Capella IV, a Terra-type planet, with a slightly higherrnmean temperature, a lower mass and lower gravitational field, aboutrnone-quarter water and three-quarters land-surface, at a stage ofrnevolutionary development approximately that of Terra during the laternPliocene. They also found supercow, a big mammal looking like thernunsuccessful attempt of a hippopotamus to impersonate a dachshund andrnabout the size of a nuclear-steam locomotive. On New Texas' plains,rnthere were billions of them; their meat was fit for the gods of Olympus.rnSo New Texas had become the meat-supplier to the galaxy.rnrnThere was very little in any of the microfilm-books about the politicsrnof New Texas and such as it was, it was very scornful. There were suchrnexpressions as 'anarchy tempered by assassination,' and 'grotesquernparody of democracy.'rnrnThere would, I assumed, be more exact information in the material whichrnhad been shoved into my hand just before boarding the cutter from Luna,rnin a package labeled _TOP SECRET: TO BE OPENED ONLY IN SPACE, AFTER THErnFIRST HYPERJUMP._ There was also a big trunk that had been placed in myrnsuite, sealed and bearing the same instructions.rnrnI got Hoddy out of the suite as soon as the ship had passed out of thernnormal space-time continuum, locked the door of my cabin and opened thernparcel.rnrnIt contained only two loose-leaf notebooks, both labeled with the SolarrnLeague and Department seals, both adorned with the customaryrnbloodthirsty threats against the unauthorized and the indiscreet. Theyrnwere numbered _ONE_ and _TWO_.rnrn_ONE_ contained four pages. On the first, I read:rnrnrn_FINAL MESSAGErnOF THE FIRST SOLAR LEAGUE AMBASSADORrnTOrnNEW TEXASrnANDREW JACKSON HICKOCK_rnrn_I agree with none of the so-called information about this planet onrnfile with the State Department on Luna. The people of New Texas arerncertainly not uncouth barbarians. Their manners and customs, whilernlively and unconventional, are most charming. Their dress is gracefulrnand practical, not grotesque; their soft speech is pleasing to the ear.rnTheir flag is the original flag of the Republic of Texas; it isrndefinitely not a barbaric travesty of our own emblem. And the underlyingrnpremises of their political system should, as far as possible, bernincorporated into the organization of the Solar League. Here politics isrnan exciting and exacting game, in which only the true representative ofrnall the people can survive._rnrnrn_DEPARTMENT ADDENDUM_rnrn_After five years on New Texas, Andrew Jackson Hickock resigned, marriedrna daughter of a local rancher and became a naturalized citizen of thatrnplanet. He is still active in politics there, often in opposition tornSolar League policies._rnrnrnThat didn't sound like too bad an advertisement for the planet. I wasrneven feeling cheerful when I turned to the next page, and:rnrnrn_FINAL MESSAGErnOF THE SECOND SOLAR LEAGUErnAMBASSADOR TOrnNEW TEXASrnCYRIL GODWINSON_rnrn_Yes and no; perhaps and perhaps not; pardon me; I agree with everythingrnyou say. Yes and no; perhaps and perhaps not; pardon me; I agree..._rnrnrn_DEPARTMENT ADDENDUM_rnrnrn_After seven years on New Texas, Ambassador Godwinson was recalled;rnadjudged hopelessly insane._rnrnAnd then:rnrnrn_FINAL MESSAGErnOF THE THIRD SOLAR LEAGUErnAMBASSADOR TO NEW TEXASrnR. F. GULLIS_rnrn_I find it very pleasant to inform you that when you are reading this, Irnwill be dead._rnrnrn_DEPARTMENT ADDENDUM_rnrn_Committed suicide after six months on New Texas._rnrnrnI turned to the last page cautiously, found:rnrnrn_FINAL MESSAGErnOF THE FOURTH SOLAR LEAGUErnAMBASSADOR TO NEW TEXASrnSILAS CUMSHAW_rnrn_I came to this planet ten years ago as a man of pronounced andrnoutspoken convictions. I have managed to keep myself alive here byrnbecoming an inoffensive nonentity. If I continue in this course, it willrnbe only at the cost of my self-respect. Beginning tonight, I am going tornstate and maintain positive opinions on the relation between this planetrnand the Solar League._rnrnrn_DEPARTMENT ADDENDUM_rnrn_Murdered at the home of Andrew J. Hickcock. (see p. 1.)_rnrnrnAnd that was the end of the first notebook. Nice, cheerful reading;rncomplete, solid briefing.rnrnI was, frankly, almost afraid to open the second notebook. I hefted itrncautiously at first, saw that it contained only about as many pages asrnthe first and that those pages were sealed with a band around them.rnrnI took a quick peek, read the words on the band:rnrn_Before reading, open the sealed trunk which has been included with yourrnluggage._rnrnSo I laid aside the book and dragged out the sealed trunk, hesitated,rnthen opened it.rnrnNothing shocked me more than to find the trunk ... full of clothes.rnrnThere were four pairs of trousers, light blue, dark blue, gray andrnblack, with wide cuffs at the bottoms. There were six or eight shirts,rntheir colors running the entire spectrum in the most violent shades.rnThere were a couple of vests. There were two pairs of short boots withrnhigh heels and fancy leather-working, and a couple of hats withrnfour-inch brims.rnrnAnd there was a wide leather belt, practically a leather corset.rnrnI stared at the belt, wondering if I was really seeing what was in frontrnof me.rnrnAttached to the belt were a pair of pistols in right- and left-handrnholsters. The pistols were seven-mm Krupp-Tatta Ultraspeed automatics,rnand the holsters were the spring-ejection, quick-draw holsters whichrnwere the secret of the State Department Special Services.rnrn_This must be a mistake_, I thought. _I'm an Ambassador now andrnAmbassadors never carry weapons._rnrnThe sanctity of an Ambassador's person not only made the carrying ofrnweapons unnecessary, so that an armed Ambassador was a contradiction ofrndiplomatic terms, but it would be an outrageous insult to the nation tornwhich he had been accredited.rnrnLike taking a poison-taster to a friendly dinner.rnrnMaybe I was supposed to give the belt and the holsters to HoddyrnRingo....rnrnSo I tore the sealed band off the second notebook and read through it.rnrnI was to wear the local costume on New Texas. That was somethingrnunusual; even in the Hooligan Diplomats, we leaned over backward inrnwearing Terran costume to distinguish ourselves from the people amongrnwhom we worked.rnrnI was further advised to start wearing the high boots immediately, onrnshipboard, to accustom myself to the heels. These, I was informed, wererntraditional. They had served a useful purpose, in the early days onrnTerran Texas, when all travel had been on horseback. On horseless andrnmechanized New Texas, they were a useless but venerated part of therncultural heritage.rnrnThere were bits of advice about the hat, and the trousers, which forrnsome obscure reason were known as Levis. And I was informed, as anrnorder, that I was to wear the belt and the pistols at all times outsidernthe Embassy itself.rnrnThat was all of the second notebook.rnrnThe two notebooks, plus my conversation with Ghopal, Klüng andrnNatalenko, completed my briefing for my new post.rnrnI slid off my shoes and pulled on a pair of boots. They fittedrnperfectly. Evidently I had been tapped for this job as soon as word ofrnSilas Cumshaw's death had reached Luna and there must have been somernfantastic hurrying to get my outfit ready.rnrnI didn't like that any too well, and I liked the order to carry thernpistols even less. Not that I had any objection to carrying weapons,rn_per se_: I had been born and raised on Theta Virgo IV, where thernchildren aren't allowed outside the house unattended until they'vernlearned to shoot.rnrnBut I did have strenuous objections to being sent, virtually ignorant ofrnlocal customs, on a mission where I was ordered to commit deliberaternprovocation of the local government, immediately on the heels of myrnpredecessor's violent death.rnrnThe author of _Probable Future Courses of Solar League Diplomacy_ hadrnrecommended the use of provocation to justify conquest. If the NewrnTexans murdered two Solar League Ambassadors in a row, nobody wouldrnblame the League for moving in with a space-fleet and an army....rnrnI was beginning to understand how Doctor Guillotin must have felt whilernhis neck was being shoved into his own invention.rnrnI looked again at the notebooks, each marked in red: _Familiarizernyourself with contents and burn or disintegrate._rnrnI'd have to do that, of course. There were a few non-humans and a lot ofrnnon-League people aboard this ship. I couldn't let any of them find outrnwhat we considered a full briefing for a new Ambassador.rnrnSo I wrapped them in the original package and went down to the lowerrnpassenger zone, where I found the ship's third officer. I told him thatrnI had some secret diplomatic matter to be destroyed and he took me tornthe engine room. I shoved the package into one of the mass-energyrnconvertors and watched it resolve itself into its constituent protons,rnneutrons and electrons.rnrnOn the way back, I stopped in at the ship's bar.rnrnHoddy Ringo was there, wrapped up in--and I use the words literally--arnyoung lady from the Alderbaran system. She was on her way home from onernof the quickie divorce courts on Terra and was celebrating her maritalrnemancipation. They were so entangled with each other that they didn'trnnotice me. When they left the bar, I slipped after them until I saw themrnenter the lady's stateroom. That, of course, would have Hoddyrnimmobilized--better word, located--for a while. So I went back to ourrnsuite, picked the lock of Hoddy's room, and allowed myself half an hourrnto search his luggage.rnrnAll of his clothes were new, but there were not a great many of them.rnEvidently he was planning to re-outfit himself on New Texas. There wererna few odds and ends, the kind any man with a real home planet will holdrnon to, in the luggage.rnrnHe had another eleven-mm pistol, made by Consolidated-MartianrnMetalworks, mate to the one he was carrying in a shoulder-holster, and arnwide two-holster belt like the one furnished me, but quite old.rnrnI greeted the sight and the meaning of the old holsters with joy: theyrnweren't the State Department Special Services type. That meant thatrnHoddy was just one of Natalenko's run-of-the-gallows cutthroats, notrnimportant enough to be issued the secret equipment.rnrnBut I was a little worried over what I found hidden in the lining of onernof his bags, a letter addressed to Space-Commander Lucius C. Stonehenge,rnAggression Department Attaché, New Austin Embassy. I didn't have eitherrnthe time or the equipment to open it. But, knowing our various Departments,rnI tried to reassure myself with the thought that it was only arnletter-of-credence, with the real message to be delivered orally.rnrnAbout the real message I had no doubts: _arrange the murder ofrnAmbassador Stephen Silk in such a way that it looks like another NewrnTexan job...._rnrnrnStarting that evening--or what passed for evening aboard a ship inrnhyperspace--Hoddy and I began a positively epochal binge together.rnrnI had it figured this way: as long as we were on board ship, I wasrnperfectly safe. On the ship, in fact, Hoddy would definitely have givenrnhis life to save mine. I'd have to be killed on New Texas to givernKlüng's boys their excuse for moving in.rnrnAnd there was always the chance, with no chance too slender for me tornignore, that I might be able to get Hoddy drunk enough to talk, yetrnstill be sober enough myself to remember what he said.rnrnExact times, details, faces, names, came to me through a sort of hazyrnblur as Hoddy and I drank something he called superbourbon--a New Texanrndrink that Bourbon County, Kentucky, would never have recognized. Theyrnhad no corn on New Texas. This stuff was made out of something calledrnsuperyams.rnrnThere were at least two things I got out of the binge. First, I learnedrnto slug down the national drink without batting an eye. Second, Irnlearned to control my expression as I uncovered the fact that everythingrnon New Texas was supersomething.rnrnI was also cautious enough, before we really got started, to leave myrnbelt and guns with the purser. I didn't want Hoddy poking around thosernsecret holsters. And I remember telling the captain to radio New Austinrnas soon as we came out of our last hyperspace-jump, then to send thernship's doctor around to give me my hangover treatments.rnrnBut the one thing I wanted to remember, as the hangover shots brought mernback to normal life, I found was the one thing I couldn't remember. Whatrnwas the name of that girl--a big, beautiful blond--who joined the partyrnalong with Hoddy's grass widow from Alderbaran and stayed with it to thernend?rnrnDamn, I wished I could remember her name!rnrnrnWhen we were fifteen thousand miles off-planet and the lighters from NewrnAustin spaceport were reported on the way, I got into the skin-tightrnLevis, the cataclysmic-colored shirt, and the loose vest, tucked my bigrnhat under my arm, and went to the purser's office for my guns, bucklingrnthem on. When I got back to the suite, Hoddy had put on his pistols andrnwas practicing quick draws in front of the mirror. He took one look atrnmy armament and groaned.rnrn"You're gonna get yourself killed for sure, with that rig, an' themrnpopguns," he told me.rnrn"These popguns'll shoot harder and make bigger holes than that pair ofrnmuseum-pieces you're carrying," I replied.rnrn"An' them holsters!" Hoddy continued. "Why, it'd take all day to getrnyour guns outa them! You better let me find you a real rig, when we getrnto New Austin...."rnrnThere was a chance, of course, that he knew what I was using and wantedrnto hide his knowledge. I doubted that.rnrn"Sure, you State Department guys always know everything," he went on."Like them microfilm-books you was readin'. I try to tell you whatrnthings is really like on New Texas, an' you let it go in one ear an' outrnthe other."rnrnThen he wandered off to say good-bye to the grass widow from Alderbaran,rnleaving me to make the last-minute check on the luggage. I was hopingrnI'd be able to see that blond ... what _was_ her name; Gailrnsomething-or-other. Let's see, she'd been at some Terran university, andrnshe was on her way home to ... to New Texas! Of course!rnrnrnI saw her, half an hour later, in the crowd around the airlock when thernlighters came alongside, and I tried to push my way toward her. As Irndid, the airlock opened, the crowd surged toward it, and she was carriedrnalong. Then the airlock closed, after she had passed through and beforernI could get to it. That meant I'd have to wait for the second lighter.rnrnSo I made the best of it, and spent the next half-hour watching the discrnof the planet grow into a huge ball that filled the lower half of thernviewscreen and then lose its curvature, and instead of moving in towardrnthe planet, we were going down toward it.