Chapter 2

***

I am exceedingly out of humour with Mr. Lovelace: and have great reason
to be so, as you will allow, when you have read the conversation I am
going to give you an account of; for he would not let me rest till I gave
him my company in the dining-room.

He began with letting me know, that he had been out to inquire after the
character of the widow, which was the more necessary, he said, as he
supposed that I would expect his frequent absence.

I did, I said; and that he would not think of taking up his lodging in
the same house with me. But what, said I, is the result of your inquiry?

Why, indeed, the widow's character was, in the main, what he liked well
enough. But as it was Miss Howe's opinion, as I had told him, that my
brother had not given over his scheme; as the widow lived by letting
lodgings, and had others to let in the same part of the house, which
might be taken by an enemy; he knew no better way than for him to take
them all, as it could not be for a long time, unless I would think of
removing to others.

So far was well enough. But as it was easy for me to see, that he spoke
the slighter of the widow, in order to have a pretence to lodge here
himself, I asked him his intention in that respect. And he frankly
owned, that if I chose to stay here, he could not, as matters stood,
think of leaving me for six hours together; and he had prepared the widow
to expect, that we should be here but for a few days; only till we could
fix ourselves in a house suitable to our condition; and this, that I
might be under the less embarrassment, if I pleased to remove.

Fix our-selves in a house, and we, and our, Mr. Lovelace--Pray, in what
light--

He interrupted me--Why, my dearest life, if you will hear me with
patience--yet, I am half afraid that I have been too forward, as I have
not consulted you upon it--but as my friends in town, according to what
Mr. Doleman has written, in the letter you have seen, conclude us to be
married--

Surely, Sir, you have not presumed--

Hear me out, my dearest creature--you have received with favour, my
addresses: you have made me hope for the honour of your consenting hand:
yet, by declining my most fervent tender of myself to you at Mrs.
Sorlings's, have given me apprehensions of delay: I would not for the
world be thought so ungenerous a wretch, now you have honoured me with
your confidence, as to wish to precipitate you. Yet your brother's
schemes are not given up. Singleton, I am afraid, is actually in town;
his vessel lies at Rotherhithe--your brother is absent from Harlowe-
place; indeed not with Singleton yet, as I can hear. If you are known
to be mine, or if you are but thought to be so, there will probably be an
end of your brother's contrivances. The widow's character may be as
worthy as it is said to be. But the worthier she is, the more danger,
if your brother's agent should find us out; since she may be persuaded,
that she ought in conscience to take a parent's part against a child who
stands in opposition to them. But if she believes us married, her good
character will stand us instead, and give her a reason why two apartments
are requisite for us at the hour of retirement.

I perfectly raved at him. I would have flung from him in resentment; but
he would not let me: and what could I do? Whither go, the evening
advanced?

I am astonished at you! said I.--If you are a man of honour, what need of
all this strange obliquity? You delight in crooked ways--let me know,
since I must stay in your company (for he held my hand), let me know all
you have said to the people below.--Indeed, indeed, Mr. Lovelace, you are
a very unaccountable man.

My dearest creature, need I to have mentioned any thing of this? and
could I not have taken up my lodgings in this house unknown to you, if I
had not intended to make you the judge of all my proceedings?--But this
is what I have told the widow before her kinswomen, and before your new
servant--'That indeed we were privately married at Hertford; but that you
had preliminarily bound me under a solemn vow, which I am most
religiously resolved to keep, to be contented with separate apartments,
and even not to lodge under the same roof, till a certain reconciliation
shall take place, which is of high consequence to both.' And further
that I might convince you of the purity of my intentions, and that my
whole view in this was to prevent mischief, I have acquainted them, 'that
I have solemnly promised to behave to you before every body, as if we
were only betrothed, and not married; not even offering to take any of
those innocent freedoms which are not refused in the most punctilious
loves.'

And then he solemnly vowed to me the strictest observance of the same
respectful behaviour to me.

I said, that I was not by any means satisfied with the tale he had told,
nor with the necessity he wanted to lay me under of appearing what I was
not: that every step he took was a wry one, a needless wry one: and since
he thought it necessary to tell the people below any thing about me, I
insisted that he should unsay all he had said, and tell them the truth.

What he had told them, he said, was with so many circumstances, that he
could sooner die than contradict it. And still he insisted upon the
propriety of appearing to be married, for the reasons he had given
before--And, dearest creature, said he, why this high displeasure with
me upon so well-intended an expedient? You know, that I cannot wish to
shun your brother, or his Singleton, but upon your account. The first
step I would take, if left to myself, would be to find them out. I have
always acted in this manner, when any body has presumed to give out
threatenings against it.

'Tis true I would have consulted you first, and had your leave. But
since you dislike what I have said, let me implore you, dearest Madam,
to give the only proper sanction to it, by naming an early day. Would to
Heaven that were to be to-morrow!--For God's sake, let it be to-morrow!
But, if not, [was it his business, my dear, before I spoke (yet he seemed
to be afraid of me) to say, if not?] let me beseech you, Madam, if my
behaviour shall not be to your dislike, that you will not to-morrow, at
breakfast-time, discredit what I have told them. The moment I give you
cause to think that I take any advantage of your concession, that moment
revoke it, and expose me, as I shall deserve.--And once more, let me
remind you, that I have no view either to serve or save myself by this
expedient. It is only to prevent a probable mischief, for your own
mind's sake; and for the sake of those who deserve not the least
consideration from me.

What could I say? What could I do?--I verily think, that had he urged me
again, in a proper manner, I should have consented (little satisfied as I
am with him) to give him a meeting to-morrow morning at a more solemn
place than in the parlour below.

But this I resolve, that he shall not have my consent to stay a night
under this roof. He has now given me a stronger reason for this
determination than I had before.