I FIND A JOB

I awoke some twelve hours later, toward noon of the following day.rnrnI now knew that I, and I alone, had been drunk the previous night, andrnhad got only what I deserved. I realized that Bob Hewitt had triedrnto save me from myself, as he had done on other occasions, and I wasrnfilled with abysmal self-disgust. More, I experienced a lively dreadrnwhen I thought of that mad ride from Princeton to Sea Bright--for itrnwas near the latter place that it had ended. How had I escaped breakingrnmy worthless neck, even granting the special Providence which isrnsupposed to watch over the fool, sober or otherwise?rnrnI remembered nothing of that ride but my meeting with the little bronzernman and the girl; and whether this had really happened, I did not know.rnRather, considering the impossible coloring of the gentleman, I knewrnthe whole affair was merely one of the many strange pictures of myrndelirium. I remembered also the agreement I had made with Hewitt, andrnof my discharging Jensen, but all else that happened was a completernblank.rnrnThe good Samaritan who took me in was an old farmer by the name ofrnTaylor. It would seem that following my assault, the obliging strangerrnhad not only made off with my car, but everything I carried, even downrnto the clothes I wore. Then he had deposited me behind a hedge, wherernI must have lain until early morning, for Taylor now told me that onrnhis way to market he had found me crawling on my hands and knees from arnfield.rnrn"Of course, I wanted to let your folks know what had happened to yournand where you was, Mr. Joyce, but I couldn't find out nohow where yourncome from," he finished, beaming on me with his kindly, faded blue eyes.rnrn"I haven't any folks, nor many friends that would care what happened tornme," I said truthfully. "How did you know my name was Joyce?"rnrn"Why, from the chauffeur's recommendation in your pocket."rnrnSo my assailant was a chauffeur, out of a job, and desperate, no doubt.rnAnd he had been in such a hurry to exchange his clothes for mine thatrnhe had forgotten to remove the telltale paper.rnrnNow I had no desire to confess my true name and the circumstancesrnleading to my assault and robbery, thereby providing a news item forrnthe press. The less I said to any one about that crazy ride of mine,rnthe better. Dressed in my new outfit, I was, to Taylor, merely arnchauffeur by the name of Joyce, and such I determined to remain forrnthe time being. Accordingly I gave him an imaginative account of myselfrnand the night's happenings, yet it bore some resemblance to the truth.rnrnHe was a kindly soul, and, after giving me some homely advice aboutrndrinking too much, insisted on lending me a dollar, for which I wasrnproperly thankful. It represented my car fare home, for, placed as Irnwas, I doubt if I could have raised a penny on my name, certainly notrnwithout the publicity I wished to avoid. This was the first kindnessrnever done me by a stranger without payment or hope of reward sincernmy coming into the Lawton fortune; the first tribute, as it were, tornmyself as a human being. And, thinking this over as I left his humblerndwelling, it occurred to me that I was missing much in life.rnrnNot wishing to return to New York until under cover of darkness, Irnset off aimlessly down the road, golden in the bright June sun. Andrnpresently rounding a sharp bend, I came upon a girl and a car, both inrndistress.rnrnThe machine, an expensive two-seater, had had a blow-out, and its ownerrnwas eying the result. Evidently her motoring knowledge did not extendrnto running repairs, and the car had no spare wheel or tire. Evidently,rntoo, her helplessness had reached the point of exasperation, for I sawrnher give the damaged wheel a hearty kick, while she exclaimed: "There!rnTake that, you horrid old thing!"rnrn"It's very provoking," I agreed, coming up, "but, somehow, kickingrnnever seems to do it much good."rnrnShe started and looked round, having been unaware of my approach. Thenrnshe looked me over carefully and severely. "I don't need a philosopher,rnthank you, but a mechanic. I've been stuck here for at least arnweek, and you're the first living thing that has come along. I hopernProvidence has sent some one that knows something about blow-outs. Dornyou?"rnrn"Blow-outs of all kinds are my speciality, madam."rnrn"I'm only interested in this particular kind. Please stop talking andrnget busy. I should have been at the station long ago."rnrnShe had a very high-handed way with her, but then, too, she wasrnvery pretty. I know that every female in distress is supposed to bernbeautiful, but I can't help that; this one actually was. In fact, shernwas the girl I had seen the previous night in the town car de luxe,rnproving conclusively that that incident had really happened. Of course,rnif I had never seen her before, and if she had been aged, ugly, andrninfirm, it could not have obviated the necessity of my helping her; butrnI must admit I would have found considerably less enthusiasm in thernperformance. Also, I would have worked faster.rnrn"You are very slow," she remarked, as I jacked up the car.rnrn"Slow," I agreed, "but sure. Don't you use powder in your shoes?"rnrn"S-sir!"rnrn"I was referring to the car," I explained humbly, displaying therninterior of the shoe.rnrn"Oh!" she said, biting her lip. "I didn't know you called that thingrna shoe. Are you sure? And why should you use powder, may I ask?" Thisrnvery severely and with dignity, as if she still suspected me of unduernlevity.rnrnSo I explained the necessity of powder, while she eyed me doubtfully."Well, I don't know much about the subject," she conceded. "No morernthan to drive after a fashion. And the chauffeur we had was veryrncareless. This is the first time I've ever had any vital interest inrnblow-outs, and I think I can do no better than watch you carefully."rnrn"I usually charge for giving lessons, but on this occasion I waive thernfee."rnrn"You are very kind, but I refuse to accept it. I shall pay you." Andrnshe sat down on the running board, while I proceeded to affix thernpatch, not the first I had done, by any means, as Jensen could haverntestified. If necessary, I could have taken down and reassembled thernengine.rnrn"You do it very well indeed," she conceded at length, her head at arncritical angle. "Quite like a professional. But it does take an awfullyrnlong time, doesn't it?"rnrn"It all depends on the--er--audience."rnrnShe pondered this and then decided that there was something offensivernabout it. Perhaps there was. But then she was really such a pretty girlrnand, as I have observed, one cannot have too much of pretty things.rnrn"Please hurry," she said coldly. "I should have been at the station byrnthis time. I'm sure I've missed the train. You will oblige me greatlyrnby not dawdling any more. I don't care if it's sure so long as it'srnquick. All I want is for it to hold me till I get to the station."rnrn"It is very fortunate," I murmured.rnrn"You are impertinent, sir."rnrn"A congenital failing," I confessed.rnrn"Please go away, leave me, if you can't hurry and--and have somernmanners."rnrnMy task reluctantly finished at last, there now happened one ofrnthose apparently trivial incidents which so often decide not onlyrnthe destinies of individuals but of nations, and which, viewed inrnthe light of after events, seem like the working of Providencernrather than chance. Much as I might care to prolong this agreeablernmeeting--agreeable in my estimation--I should have walked downrnthe sunlit road and out of this charming girl's life, had I notrninstinctively searched my pockets for a handkerchief, somethingrnwherewith to wipe my hands. It always pays to be clean, for as Irnbrought out a bandanna from a side pocket, a sheet of paper came withrnit and, fluttering in the gentle breeze, fell at the girl's feet--arnvery appropriate action. She picked it up and was about to hand it tornme when some writing which it evidently bore--and which she could notrnavoid seeing--caught her eye. Her expression changed and she looked atrnme sharply with a new and, I might say, even proprietary interest.rnrn"Why, you're Joyce!" she exclaimed. "How stupid of me not to havernguessed it. I might have known it by the way you fixed that puncture. Irnsuppose it's against the rules of the union to work any faster."rnrnI didn't think her at all stupid and only wished I was equally good atrnguessing.rnrn"I am Mr. Varney's niece," she added.rnrn"Ah," I said. It was the only safe thing I could say.rnrnShe handed me back the paper which she had most obligingly refoldedrnso that I couldn't see a word of what was written on it. "I am MissrnGelette," she said.rnrn"Ah."rnrn"I was on my way to the station to meet you, and you see why I didn'trnget there."rnrn"Ah."rnrn"I suppose your trunk's at the station?"rnrn"Ah--that is, oh, I mean--ah!"rnrn"Goodness me!" she exclaimed, stamping her foot. "Have you gotrnsunstroke? And have you no manners? Are you rude as well as stupid?rnDon't you understand that I'm your new employer's niece?"rnrnYes, my acute intelligence had unerringly reached that conclusion.rnThat paper was the one Mr. Taylor had found in my pocket, and which Irnhad forgotten about. I wished now that I had read it. Tardily enough Irnremoved my cap, clicked my heels together, and imitated Jensen's bow.rnIt is a very remarkable and striking bow; you bend lightly from thernhips and then spring back like a child ducking for apples.rnrn"That's better," she conceded. "And now we'd better see about yourrntrunk. Did you tell them to send it on?"rnrn"No, ma'am. You see--well, the fact is I haven't got one."rnrn"What!"rnrn"It went astray, ma'am, but I'm sure it will turn up all right. I'vernlost more than that--I mean, ma'am, I've lost it more than once and itrnhas always turned up. It's a very hard trunk to lose. They make themrnthat way."rnrn"I don't see how they can. However--let me see, what is your firstrnname? I've forgotten."rnrn"Peter, ma'am."rnrn"Well, Peter, I hope you'll give more satisfaction than yourrnpredecessor who left this morning. Now get that tire or shoernpumped----Oh, it is pumped? Very well; now take me to the Octagon."rnrn"Beg pardon, but where and what is that, ma'am?"rnrn"It's a hotel in Sea Bright. I forgot you weren't familiar with thernneighborhood. Hurry up, now."rnrnA few minutes later we were riding down the back road the way I hadrncome, the road that led to the station and Sea Bright. We passedrnTaylor's little farm, and if he had seen me he certainly would havernwondered how I had got in touch with my employers so soon.rnrnI think Miss Gelette had not forgiven me for having observed herrnloss of dignity and temper, her assault on the damaged wheel, and myrnunfortunate remarks. And I think it pleased her immensely to discoverrnthat I was the new chauffeur, she mistress and I servant. For shernqueened it over me with such naïve enjoyment that I should have hatedrnto disillusion her. It was, "Peter, take that turn. Slow down, Peter.rnTo your right, Peter," with a lofty condescension and dignity thatrntickled me greatly.rnrnWe drew up to the big hotel, and she entered, leaving me an order tornwait. The season, heightened by the promised coming of the President tornthe neighborhood, was only beginning, but the verandas were filled withrnthe gay four o'clock throng.rnrn"Well," I thought, "Hewitt and those fellows said I couldn't get arnjob, and here I am! As for this fellow Joyce, a fair exchange is nornrobbery. He's got my car and I've got his. And these folks are betterrnfor the deal. I've done them a service, for he would only have robbedrnthem."rnrnThe adventure, if such it can be called, was precisely the kind whichrnHewitt would have classified as peculiar only to myself; irresponsible,rnfreakish, ridiculous--in brief, "One of Pete Lawton's crazy escapades."rnAnd very likely he would have added the rider that I wasn't sober.rnrnHow far I meant to pursue the incident I had no idea; but even atrnthis stage I had a faint premonition of impending mystery. At least,rnI couldn't help wondering why the chauffeur Joyce, if he was on hisrnway to fill a good position, and not out of work and desperate, asrnI had supposed, should conceive the idea of knocking me on the headrnand stealing my car and all I carried. Where was the necessity, whatrnthe sense in doing such a reckless thing? And if he were not expectedrntill to-day's afternoon train, how did it happen I had met him in thernneighborhood last night?rnrnWhile I was thinking over this, Miss Gelette appeared, and we proceededrnto do some desultory shopping, a business I generally abhor. And asrnI was waiting for her at one store, a man came up to the car whom Irnrecognized as Jules, the ex-chauffeur, who had sent me sprawling thernprevious night, and whose place I now filled. He failed to recognizernme, but he knew the car. Evidently he had been celebrating hisrndischarge in various saloons, instead of going home, and had absorbedrnjust enough to be ugly.rnrn"So you're the new guy that's got the job up to Varney's?" he remarked,rneying me disparagingly. "Well, that's all they're fit to have--a cheaprnbonehead from a correspondence school. They don't know how to treat arnhigh-class man. Huh! A fine house to work for----"rnrn"Look here," I said, finding that the more indifference I assumed thernlouder he talked, "run away and tell all that to Sweeny. I've troublesrnof my own."rnrn"Your troubles is only starting," he came back. "See if they ain't."rnAnd just then Miss Gelette came out of the store.rnrnJules turned upon her and proceeded to air his opinions more fully. Herncalled her uncle a doddering old devil, and was starting on her withrnequally choice epithets when I got him by the slack of the pants andrngave him a good running start toward New York. I imagine the crowdrnthat was gathering quickly thought us acting for the movies, for theyrncheered, and then looked disappointed when I hopped back into the carrnand drove off.rnrn"Home, Peter. Rumson Road. First turn to the right," said Miss Gelette,rnwith unimpaired dignity, but rather red in the face, and she sat boltrnupright until we had covered several blocks. Then a dimple, whosernhidden presence I had suspected, suddenly appeared, and she said inrnthe sweet, gracious voice of last night: "Thank you, Peter. I see thatrnyou're going to do capitally, and I reverse my opinion of you; you'rernsure--and quick. Very quick when you want to be."rnrnWe covered another block, and then she added: "That man Jules blamesrnme for his discharge, but he discharged himself by his own conduct. Myrnuncle, being an invalid, is rather short-tempered at times, but he'srnthe best of employers. I'm telling you this because I don't want you tornbe prejudiced against the position by anything that man may have said.rnChauffeurs, satisfactory ones, aren't easy to find these days, as yournknow."rnrnI thought of the many that had passed through my hands, and I silentlyrnagreed with her.rnrn"You will take all your orders virtually from me," she continued, "andrnif you do your work as it should be done, you won't find me a hardrnmistress to serve. Jules lost his position through drink, and I'mrnpleased to know you're a strict total abstainer."rnrnI was filled with some inward confusion, and repressed a strong desirernto laugh.rnrn"The abuse of alcohol causes at least half the misery in the world,"rnshe went on, "and I must say it speaks well for a young man of yourrnyears that you've the sense to recognize that fact." As I was atrnleast five years her senior, it was very refreshing to listen to thisrnmotherly advice.rnrnThere followed a period of silence, during which I sensed her stealingrnmore than one glance at me. Many people have looked at me in thatrnstealthy manner, my appearance meriting more than a cursory glance, butrnI felt that something was troubling her. I was right.rnrn"I think, Peter, that I've seen you somewhere before," she remarkedrnsuddenly.rnrn"Indeed, ma'am?"rnrn"Yes, indeed, Peter. I don't know when or where, but I'm quite surernabout it. Your face has puzzled me----"rnrn"It has puzzled more than you, ma'am, in its day. It has even puzzledrn_me_."rnrn"I don't understand you, Peter; you appear to have a gift for crypticrnexpressions. But I mean your face is not one to forget----"rnrn"It is not, ma'am," I agreed, "I've tried it and failed. It is likernthat; you simply can't forget it. I'm puzzled at times to know if itrnreally is a face. I know exactly what you mean, ma'am."rnrn"You don't, not in the least," she said with asperity. "If I thoughtrnthere was anything remarkably ugly about you, I shouldn't havernmentioned it. However, I'm not in the habit of discussing--but I _have_rnseen you somewhere. I know I have."rnrn"Perhaps it was at the British bulldog show, ma'am. I was there once,rnwith my boss, and a near-sighted old judge tried to give me firstrnprize. Honestly."rnrn"I'm not in the mood for such attempted humor. A thing like thisrnannoys me, not being able to remember. Stop the car!" she finishedrnperemptorily.rnrnI threw out the clutch and clapped on the brakes. Turning in her seat,rnshe faced me with eyes hardening from suspicion to certainty. "You'rernthe man we nearly ran over last night!" she exclaimed. "Don't attemptrnto deny it, for you are! I _knew_ I had seen you before."rnrnI realized that, unfortunately, prevarication was useless. All my greatrngifts in that direction would be wasted here. This little person wasrnnot merely ornamental; she had brains, and knew how to use them. Arntongue, too, by the way.rnrn"Last night, ma'am?" I said vaguely. "Nearly run over, you say?"rnrn"Yes, I say it, and you know it."rnrn"I--I must confess I haven't a very clear recollection of what happenedrnlast night," I murmured contritely.rnrn"Then I shall tell you; you were drunk!"rnrn"Drunk! You astonish me, ma'am. You do indeed. Is--is it possible?"rnrn"Yes, it is possible, probable, and a fact. You were disgracefully,rnhopelessly, drunk! You needn't sit there and pretend you know nothingrnabout it. And Mr. Fremstad assured my uncle that you were a teetotaler!rnWhat have you to say to that?"rnrnHaving nothing to say, I did not say it. I hung my head instead.rnrnHer eyes were contemptuous, her mouth as stern as its lines permitted.rnShe was very angry and put out. Often I had felt the same way onrndiscovering a jewel of a servant to be the customary paste. I feltrnsorry for her; I yearned to comfort her, to assure her--quiternuntruthfully--that I had never been drunk before.rnrn"You chauffeurs are all alike!" she exclaimed. "If it isn't one thingrnit's another. And the more satisfactory you seem, the worse you are.rnAnd so you deceived Mr. Fremstad and hoped to deceive us? Of course,rnit's quite impossible to engage you. I understand now why your trunkrnwent astray. Well, you had better go and look for it. I can take therncar home myself."rnrnI was starting obediently to climb past the wheel when she demanded:"Where are you going now? Sit down, please. Why don't you sayrnsomething?"rnrn"W-what should I say, madam?"rnrn"Oh, don't be stupid. Haven't you any explanation how you came to bernin such a disgraceful condition? Or am I to infer it's your usualrncondition? I am not a narrow-minded person, and I quite understand thatrnone unfortunate action doesn't necessarily condemn any one. I can evenrnbelieve it was your first offense. But I am clearly entitled to anrnexplanation of some sort."rnrn"Well, ma'am, you see it was this way," I began, with proper confusion."The Benevolent Brotherhood of Motor Mechanics gave their annual outingrnyesterday. It was very hot, as you recollect, and there was a lot ofrndrinks going round. I was very thirsty----"rnrn"Up to a certain point, I suppose? I can imagine the rest. But how didrnyou happen to be in this neighborhood last night? How did you come tornleave Philadelphia?"rnrn"I made a fool of myself, ma'am, and got all muddled up. I got mixed onrnmy dates. I thought I had to come here last night, instead of to-day. Irngot off at Sea Bright and became lost. You know how it is when you'verntaken too much----"rnrn"No, I don't know anything of the kind. But you told us you wanted tornfind New York."rnrn"Did I, really, ma'am? It just shows what a fool I was. I'm sure Irnmeant the Rumson Road. The truth is, I wasn't accountable for what Irnsaid."rnrn"I quite realize that. You even imagined the appointment you had tornkeep was attendance at your own funeral. Where did you spend the night?"rnrn"At a small farm near the station owned by a man called Taylor." AndrnI told of my assault and robbery, approximately the same version I hadrngiven Taylor.rnrnShe looked at me steadily for a long moment as I finished: "It was arnvery disgraceful and humiliating experience, ma'am, which I've takenrngreatly to heart."rnrn"I'm sure you have, Peter," she said kindly. "I can see that you'rernnot the drinking sort, and that this has been your first slip. Now,rnsee here, if my uncle knew you for the person he met last night, yournwouldn't have a chance of retaining the situation. But I know he won'trnrecognize you, for his eyes are nothing like mine." Assuredly they werernnot. "You saved me from an unpleasant scene back there, and I'm willingrnto stretch a point in your favor. I shall say nothing to my uncle, butrnonly on one condition--that, while in our employment, you never touchrnintoxicants of any kind again. I don't ask you to sign the pledge orrnanything like that. I ask simply for your promise."rnrnAnd so, in this strange fashion, I came to utter a challenge towardrnone John Barleycorn, an enemy whose increasing dominion over me Irnrecognized only too well. How most of my friends would have laughed!rnBut it was a promise I gave in all sincerity.